Our Christmas Stories

Everyone has their own traditions and own memories of what Christmas is like for their family each year. Some travel to see different points of the earth and take in a variety of cultures. Some stay snuggled up at home for days and enjoy the heartfelt theory of family time. Some even seem to fill up their living room with ungodly amounts of presents even though there is a recession looming onto our nation. My Christmas doesn’t completely fit into one of these categories, but has an amazing concept all of its own…….humor.

First you must come to know my sister, Anne Harmon. She lives in Atlanta, GA where she pretty much runs the social calendar for the town and maybe weighs 110 pounds. I mean she is pretty hot, but she definitely has the charm and the humor thing going strong for her too. Every year at Christmas we start texting and calling each other on a daily basis to plan for the big Holiday season, emotionally and fashionably. We have parents who honestly just want us with them for Christmas. Mom and Dad would never think twice if we never brought home another Christmas present again. Now that being said, we would never do that because it would break my poor mom’s heart. See where I am going with this?

Let me explain. My immediate family has the amazing tendency to over react to situations. We still celebrate the good things happening in life, but come on, where is the humor in positive action? We simply want to bring up all the harsh and embarrassing moments of the past year, so we can mock ourselves in order to bring peace and joy to all creation.

There is this span of about maybe five to seven days surrounding Christmas Day when my family either hosts or attends a gathering of some sort. It starts with aunts, uncles and cousins on the Sunday before Christmas, trailing into multiple nights of spur of the moment cocktail hours with neighbors and long time friends, and then it peaks when we make it through the doors of the local watering hole after we have walked the red carpet at our Christmas Eve service (where, hands down, Ann Wilson Aman will always look better than us). So, basically, Christmas is a time when we are allowed to consume as much alcohol we deem necessary, while my sister and I begin the trails of the traveling jesters.

So what are the hot topics this year? Oh let’s see. We start with a little, haha Searcy lost her job this year and had to move in with her parents after seven years of complete independence. Then we sprinkle a little, “Did ya’ll hear about my mother and her luncheon group’s trip to the shooting range?” And then we top it off with a big “Anne Harmon is bringing home a boyfriend, and his name is Even Williams. Dad, didn’t you drink that for about twenty years when you were saving money to put us through school?” What makes each year complete is my sister’s ability to tell each story in my mother’s strong, southern accent, and my ability to stay out too late and “ruin” Christmas Day.

For the record, I was home at ten o’clock last night, and up before everyone else this Christmas Day, but I did manage to piss my mother off before 6 am by screwing up the washing machine. Nothing says Merry Christmas in this house like a few over dramatic deep breaths and some stern talkin’!

All I want for Christmas is to never lose the humor in my family. Times are getting hard in the world right now, and I truly believe if we can just sit back and laugh at ourselves in pure humility, we will all be just fine.

Happy Holidays!

Material Girl

I have never thought myself to be a materialistic person. My dream home doesn't consist of high ceilings and granite. I don't shoe shop outside of the sale rack at Dillard's, and I certainly don't know much about fancy wine. I don't even know how to really put on makeup. I just thought I was a simple girl living in a complex world. I must admit I have been a bit judgemental on people who take pride in their belongings. I am, of course, at times wrong. Today I realized I am absolutely no better than the high dollar man who had to watch all of his belongings get auctioned off to complete strangers.

Over the past three or four years I have hired the same movers to come and pack up my house only to move to the next destination in life. I have seen my furniture wrapped in packing material and seen my home drive away from me, but this time it wasn't the same. This time it wasn't going to a new adventure, it was going to a 10x10 storage unit. Oh, poor me, right? I know. I should have a lot more things to dwell on or to feel sad about.

It just felt different. I saw the things I walked on every day and threw my keys on each time I walked in the house wrapped up for an undetermined about of time. I wasn't watching with anticipation of the next town and the next life. I was watching with fear, or more so, anger.

I have worked so hard to make my life my life. I have listened to my gut and ignored my doubts, only to make life that much more amazing for myself. Honestly, each day has been so fulfilling and so worth it because it was mine. When I left school I searched for myself. I found her. She rocks, by the way. Now, I feel like she is wrapped up in moving papers in a climate controlled storage unit. (At least she has come A/C!!)

I know I am not in control, and believe me, I know God has something unthinkable at the end of this for me. I just think watching all you have being taken from you (whether it be for good or for an undetermined time frame) puts life into perspective. Who knows how bad this recession will get. I might have to sell what I have in that 10x10 (I have a great washer and dryer I am willing to part with for $300), or I may be lucky enough to unwrap it all and make a new home.

I think it is the life undetermined I am most afraid of. I shouldn't be. I have done that before. I just can't even start to guess where it will go this time.

Ultimately, I would love to be a writer and fisherman for the rest of my life. hummmm, is a charter boat 10x10?

Total Change of Attitude

The good thing about being crazy is that your mood can change from boarder line manic to passionate and unstoppable in a mater of seconds.

I was obviously not feeling up to par in my last post (only 45 minutes ago), so I decided it was time to go for a little jog outside. (Another good thing about these mood changes is that I find it a lot easier to jog vs. walk when I am in one extreme mood or the other. Let's just hope the jogging overcomes the cheese dip in this whole thing.) So, while on my jog, it started to rain. I don't know about you, but this made my day! I know most people may have allowed this to ruin their day, but I am obviously not like a lot of other people. I LOVE getting dirty and would much rather swim in my clothes than in some bikini.

I turned up my ipod, stuffed it in my bra (the only dry spot I had, OK?) and just ran. Then I realized that by running I was going to make this experience end that much sooner. So I stopped.

Now I know rain has become quite the cheesy subject. What with Clint Black's heart wrenching Like The Rain, Julie Robert's Rain On A Tin Roof and multiple other comparisons of rain to the cleansing power of love, it still has an overpowering effect on me that I only seem to remember when it starts to fall.

It never hurts to get a little baptism for the soul every now and then.

I Can Stop Complaining....Really, I Can

Not only did I lose my job, but I can't get an interview because nobody is interviewing!

I am so tired of packing up this house, knowing I am going to have to do it all over again when I do find a job.

Seriously? I have to LIVE WITH MY PARENTS like I am not capable of taking care of myself? Oh, wait...I can't.

I think my blog is the ugliest thing I have ever seen and I have no idea how to make it look the way I want it to, because I have no idea what I want.....Just like the rest of my life.

My computer now has a virus, so I can't spend my days looking at my friend's fun facebook pictures wishing I was them.

Sooo, I think I am giving up complaining for New Years. I don't do much of it anyway, so it should be pretty easy.

Did I mention I am going to have another lonely New Years because everyone else has someone to spend it with!?

Does Obama's Election Signal A New Day For America?

If you are even remotely interested in answering this question or even simply asking this question, I beg you....read this article.

http://www.helium.com/items/1236642-does-obamas-election-signal-a-new-day-for-america

I Salute You, Mr. Septic Man

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house, not a toilet was flushing, not even in the out house.

Every year in November you are forced to become one with your inner feelings and really come to understand what you are thankful for. There are always the understood ones like family, friends, God, your health, but this year I was feeling a little different. I had one thing that really stood out in my life that I was extremely thankful for – the septic man. His name is Mark and mom said he resembled Kevin Costner. I think she may have been a little over come with joy to think that the sight of a man digging into our septic tank could be attractive, but never mind that.

Thanksgiving in the one holiday each year my family plans to spend the week at our family’s bay house on Soldier’s Creek in Lillian, AL. This house was built over 50 years ago and is pretty much in the same conditions as it was when it was built. Everything from the toilets to the showers to the sinks and the dishwasher run through the septic tank in the side yard. (Has the name Griswolds come up in anyone’s head yet?) There is a smaller separate house in the back that was built for the “help” 50 years ago. This house is literally a 10x10 floor space with a toilet and has not been used in over 15 years.

It is about seven o’clock Wednesday night before Thanksgiving and my family has just all arrived. My sister came in from Atlanta with her nice fancy vodka and bouffant hair, and we are all wearing every article of clothing we packed because my parents refuse to turn up the heat. We have all just sat down with a drink when my father’s panic button wasn’t just pushed; it was smashed and broken into a million pieces so we couldn’t turn it off. I hear him screaming for our Lord when I notice there is a river running out of the master bathroom. The house goes wild within ten seconds. While Dad is screaming about the impossibility of going on and living this way, I stuff my sweat pants into my brand new camo wading boots and start throwing down towels. You may be wondering where my beautiful sister was during all this commotion, well she was calm as could be sipping on her vodka.

Did I forget to mention that as soon as all this begins to happen my mother decides she really has to use the restroom? Seeing as how all the bathrooms in the main house were now class five rapids and there is no way in hell she is becoming one with nature this year, I was left to abandon ship and prep the out house. Not a soul has been brave enough to walk through the bathroom door of the out house in 15 years, so excuse me when I don’t take off my wading boots. I clean it up in a jiffy so my mother can have her peace and head for the main house to see what nerves I may be able to salvage for my father. I walk through the door only to see a smile wide across my fathers face as he says, “Everything is going to be okay. Mark will be here at eight o’clock in the morning.” I sure as hell didn’t know who Mark was, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to question him.

Finally, peace has come over the ark and all the little animals are able to rest at ease. Well, almost. My sister and I are awakened by a cheerful yet frightened “Happy Thanksgiving” from my mother at seven o’clock the next morning. She has just discovered the toilet in the out house has decided to join in all the fun. We now have nothing but a bush to use for “powdering our noses”. Perfect.

Needless to say, by nine o’clock on Thanksgiving morning, my family learned a very valuable lesson, as we also learned the ins and outs of the septic system. Septic lines have holes in them to, you know, fertilize the earth. Roots grow into these holes and can clog up the system, causing great fun inside the house. Do you know what keeps these roots from growing in your lines? I do, but I think I will let you figure this one out on your own. Let’s just call this my way of helping the world dig a little deeper into what they are truly thankful for.

Yes, The World Can Be Cruel

Yes the world can be cruel
It can be sad and cold
It can be frightening and dreadful

But it can also be hopeful
It can be loving and warm
It can give fascination and drive ambition

Today, my world can get pretty frightening at any given minute. One comment or view of our economy can send my mind into this panic. It’s like everything is fine and my hopes are up and then something just reminds me that everything really isn’t okay. I have spent the first 22 years of my life dreaming up this outstanding future. Then the past three years I have understood what it takes and how it feels to live out these dreams. Now, it is all gone. Uncle Sam has taken away my freedom to live my dreams. How can you lose freedom in a free country?

That is how I feel at times, but I know Uncle Sam didn’t do this “to me”. I have faith that God did this “for me”, but this view doesn’t always hang strong in my head. When I panic, these are the things that run through my head:

When am I going to get a job?
Will I even like the job?
How can I interview for a job I don’t want?
Even if I like the job will it pay me enough to live on my own?
Will I really have to move back to Montgomery and get trapped?
Will my relationship with my parents suffer if I move back to Montgomery?
Will I be single forever because I refuse to settle just to be married?

Some day this will be over. It may not be any time soon, but that just means I need that much time to become what I need to be. I know I will be different when this is all over, and I look forward to meeting her. Hopefully I will become a writer beyond my expectations, but I may not. I know I will get through this, simply because of how I live my life and who I live in it with.

Each day is different. Some are good, some are alright and some are just bad. I know there are a lot of people who are out there in my same position and I feel for them. I do. I just can’t seem to find comfort in that knowledge. I am not going to be comforted knowing there are others hurting like I am or even worse than I am. Taking comfort in that will not change anyone’s situation; it will only make me greedy or selfish. Maybe I already am, but I honestly don’t feel that way. We just somehow need to come together as a union and just stop taking.

I know tomorrow will be different, but today, I am sad.

Support Your Words

There are many words in the English language that have powerful meaning, but are used so frequently and so casually, that they seem to somehow lose their full definition or intent. Let me give you one example.

The word “support” is used for multiple purposes. It can be the brick and mortar that holds up a building, a friend who cries when you cry, or a sports team. For me, the word “support” is unbelievably powerful, and I am constantly thanking people for their support. The heartbreaking part about this is they never really know what I mean. They don’t really know what they did to support me. They know what they think they did to support me, but most of the time; this word means more than the casserole someone brought over when a loved one dies or the bed they made for me when I was out of a home. So, I haven’t actually properly thanked them.

Over the past month, I have had floods of support. My parents, sister, and friends have listened when I cried. They have said all the right and wrong things to try and keep my spirits up. They have sent out my resume to every person they have ever known, and have sent me job applications for anything from Special Events Director to bellman! These people know the pain in my heart, they know the sadness and fear I wake up to each day and they know the spirit in me that needs to be uncovered again.

So, I am trying to make it a point that I actually thank each of these people for not only the actions they have taken for me, but the feelings they have instilled in me. I want each person to know what they have actually done to impact my life at this moment. I don’t want them walking away from me with a simple, “Thanks for your support” in their hand. It all goes back to “do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.”

Make others feel the greatness they make you feel. Express yourself and your words.

Seven Years Today

Seven years ago today I lost the greatest person I believe I have ever met. What I didn’t understand then was that losing him was going to be the greatest lesson in my life. It was going to continuously mold me into who I am.

One of life’s simple pleasures comes when you reach a point of fully understanding another individual. When you can literally sit inside their head and see what they are seeing. You can change your perspective to completely view the world in their eyes. This doesn’t happen too often, but it is what I believe to be one component of love, and a very important one at that. Not just love of a spouse, but love of one another – a friend, a family member, co-worker, a child.

I only knew David for about two or three years before he passed, and boy was I swept away by his friendship. For the life of me I could not understand why God took him, because I knew he had so much more to teach me. I was right. David did have more to teach me, he just didn’t have to be here to do it.

I have mentioned before the list in my wallet of things I want to accomplish in my life. As silly as some of them may be, I know David will hold me to those things. If I think about giving up on one (which I often do) I automatically hear him questioning me. He still pushes me to do what I want, no matter the limits. That is what he did, and it gave him peace.

When you understand someone, you can’t really put it into words for someone else to read. It is an emotion, a knowledge, something you feel when it is present.

Today I woke up with a smile on my face remembering David. Now most of you do not know this about me and I am going to have to get a little personal in order to get this sweet story out, but a lot of times I sleep in my “birthday suit” (you know you do it too). Last night I went to sleep in said “suit” and at some point in the middle of the night I grabbed the t-shirt of David’s that I still sleep with and I had put it on. I had absolutely no recollection of doing this, but when I woke up it was bitter sweet. A hug.

Even though some people may not be in our lives anymore they are still hanging around. They are still loving, teaching and protecting us each and every day. I believe this with every ounce of my being, because I feel it and I understand it.

Change of Emotion

There is no hiding the fact that unemployment has been trying to get the best of me. As you can tell by my last post, I am a little confused as to what I am supposed to do next. Those feelings are still here, but each day I have more and more faith in the unknown. I am standing on a cliff looking down and knowing I have to jump, but not quite sure when.

For the past few weeks I have been completely down. I guess you could say I was a bit depressed, but the part that got me was that I knew I was depressed and that I didn’t need to be in that place. I was feeling so sorry for myself. Finally, I woke up one morning and said it was over. I filled my day with errands to run, bills to pay, a little sun shine and some exercise. I left the couch to fend for itself and applied for a few more jobs. I pushed out all the negativity and left only room for positive. I know my emotions will move up and down, especially with December creeping up and no plan in place, but I think I can handle the emotions. Just think, if we didn’t have emotions this sure would be one boring world.

I experienced something yesterday that made me realize I would much rather be in the position I am in right now than a lot of other positions I could be in. I was sitting in an empty resort café looking over the beach and talking with the manager. An older man walked in the door. My manager friend got up and silently poured a shot of vodka and handed it to him without a word being said. The man quickly inhaled his poison, asking for another. Once he was gone, my friend explained how this man comes into the café every day multiple times to get a shot of vodka. Supposedly his wife does not know he is an alcoholic, so he will sneak down to the café while going to “get the paper”, “do his laundry”, or “take a walk”. If he is ever to come into the café with his wife, the staff is supposed to act as if they have never seen him before. When I saw this man it was about 1:30 pm, and he had just been served his 7th shot for the day.

Makes you think….

There Is So Much More To Ask

I can’t stop thinking about the moments lining up in front of me
Are they blank
Are they promising
Are they moving backwards

What direction will I be moving tomorrow
If I leave will I be giving up or following the truth

Am I leaving something behind
Something I can’t live without
Will I be curious or regretful

Am I walking in the right direction
Is this the way to my life
Do I need to turn around or do I need to start running

It’s as if I can only see a few feet in front of me and the rest is dark
Pitch black
What is up ahead and do I really know what is left behind

How long will it be until there is an answer
Any answer
Just something to give me an idea of where I am going
What will happen to me

Have I been following my dreams only to lose them
Or are they still leading me home

A New Adventure

My Father said something really good yesterday. He said, "There are times in our lives when we seem to think we will never see the other side of the distress we are currently in, but then one day you will 'wake up' and realize you are on the other side and you feel no more turmoil". I can completely attest to that. I went through hell when I was leaving Destin and one day, I was talking to Laurel about it and realized, I was on the other side. Being on this "other side" is what has allowed me to have the attitude I have had the past 24 hours.

The economy sucks. It sucks even more when it costs you your job. Yesterday morning I was laid off from my job as the Director of Events for the Southern Breeze Wine + Culinary Festival. I finally feel comfortable with commitment and commitment leaves me! Karma I tell ya.

The point of this email is not to gain sympothy at all. I know we are all falling on hard times and until yesterday morning I was in a mentality of "I am invensible". Guess what? I'm not.

Anyway, I have already learned some pretty great lessons:
1. This will not kill me, it will not put me in jail, and I will not live on the streets
2. There is no use in trying to lay blame on anyone, because this economy is forcing us all to make decisions and cuts we would never want to make.
3. Crying and pitty and feeling sorry for myself doesn't do anything but delay my progress.

So, if any of you are feeling the heat from the economy, pour some water on it and keep moving. The end of the world is not coming, a new adventure is just beginning.

Calling all Carnies!!!!

Once upon a time in a far away land I was the town Ringmaster. Every year I was responsible for putting together a weekend for locals and visitors alike to come and enjoy live music, eat anything fried, and purchase all possible decorations for your yard from gnomes, to metal herons, to wood carved dolphins. This was a weekend for any and all people to come out wearing whatever clothes they wanted, if any. It really does feel good to know that all my hard work and dedication to this circus made so many people feel comfortable enough to leave their dentures at home.

As a ringmaster you learn to become one with the life of the carnies, and while the big top is still up, you must allow yourself to become one, too. Well, my big top came down a few years ago and I decided to take some time away from town Ringmaster and move upward in this world. So, I moved to a town where i surrounded myself with Loser's. :)

Anyway, this weekend I was able to actually become a vendor at my local town's Big Top. For the first time, I got to sit back and actually take in all that you may see at a circus like this. I captured the scenery in my sketch book, but the fashion was only meant for the camera.

Enjoy.......

Oh where do I start on her? Cletus and Lou Anne decided to make their annual outing to the circus. Obviously he doesn't care to be seen, so he wore his best camo. This shirt works better than the sleeveless one. Lou Anne here has her fanny pack in check and once she gets the air flowing through the bottom of her pants, she is ready to go.



Now Grammy here, is taking a break to enjoy her Smirnoff Ice while she taps her foot to the beat of a country rock band. Nothing says Redneck Mothers, like long pleated shorts. At least she matches and wore her finest jewels to the Big Top.

Watch out for Herbie and the General Lee. They have been at this motorized wheel chair thing for a while and well, all I have to say is The General was not too happy when Herbie ran over her foot in the funnel cake line.
Just takin' a break here in the shade honey. I will be fine over here by the beer booth. These nice young men will take real good care of me, don't you worry your little head. Now go on and get Grandma that jeweled plant hanger we say a few miles back. I promise I won't drink a thing.

Words cannot describe the cut off demin capris on this sweet old man. I guess the tractor broke down on his way to the circus and the walk just got to be too much.

This little girl is who I aspire to be. Some of you have seen me try. She has allowed herself to become lost in the sounds of the Cajun Rock Band. God love her.


Of course there is an understood rule that if you do NOT go to the gym, you lose the ability to wear your shirt at the circus.



I had no idea that wearing all the same color had come back in style. Now where did I put my neon outfits and t-shirt ties?

Ok, I must admit, I don't think twice about going barefoot to the FloraBama, but come on. I wonder if they used the port-o-potties.

By the way, this is for REAL my new boyfriend. I mean who can't resist the royal blue onesie? But I am not sure he knows exactly where he is. He did try to agrue that the sun rises in the North and sets in the South and that he gets up early to milk his chickens every day. I'm not to sure if he will be able to provide for me so I best keep looking.

Now I am going to miss all my old chums here at the Big Top. Come Monday all the trailors will be packed and the RVs will set off into the sunset taking this Carnival to the next town.

I believe Randy Rogers said it best when he sang: "The ringmasters night gets lonely after the Big Top comes down. Cause I go from being somebody to just another clown when the circus leaves town."

The Shepherd or the Sheep?

Proclaim a position….and define your existence…..

The prophet that hath a dream, let him tell a dream; and he that hath my word, let him speak my word faithfully. What is the chaff to the wheat, saith the LORD? - Jeremiah 23:28

If you have been steadily reading my blog entries you will very easily see the pattern of dreaming. It is a simple theme to life, but yet still challenging to live by. Growing up my parents encouraged me to dream as big as I could. I can remember one afternoon I was watching a Michael Jackson “Heal The World” video, and of course I was singing and dancing my heart out in the middle of the room, eyes glued to the screen. My father came in and hugged me and told me he just knew I was going to somehow change this world. He didn’t know how, but he knew I would do it. I’m not too sure if I have or will accomplish that, but it allowed me to actually believe in the ability to live out my dreams, to at least start with changing my world.

Today we have so many things to sway our thoughts and our view points. The media shows us more than we need to see while skewing it to make us believe only one side of every situation. We have Presidential candidates claiming to be the one to change the world this go round, yet neglecting to tell us how. So you can see how it becomes hard to know who to believe, or who to follow. But who says we have to be the sheep?

A few years ago I was in a relationship and in a state of being where I was a sheep who was so far in the back of the herd I couldn’t even see the shepherd. I wish I could tell you of this great epiphany I had that changed my thinking and my way of life, but I can’t. All I can tell you is that when I was going through a certain kind of hell, I prayed each and every day for God’s strength and His knowledge. He gave me the strength to pack up and leave town. He gave me the knowledge to know I didn’t need to follow my heart this time, because it was a little tampered.

I now know that my dreams are still real and I can still live them. It doesn’t matter what someone else may think about my opinions, my wants, my desires or my views because they are mine to know and understand, not someone else’s. My heart lies in my dreams and the only failure I could ever have in life is not living them.

If there is ever an opinion or a view point you believe in, do not ever question it based on what you believe others may think. Take your mind and develop it to be what you want it to be, don’t let someone else come in and take over. You will never be able to really understand what life has to offer us in this short time we have.

Be your own shepherd. You may look back one day and see a world with your touch on it.

A Picture Is....

orange life jackets
sunscreen and floaties
snoopy fishing pole
giggles and squirms
warm naps
burnt skin
curly hair with helicopter bows

a wooden boat
wobble knees on skis
robert spraying Mama Anne
long boat rides
alligators sunning on the point
learning to bait a hook
you catch it, you clean it
checking crab traps on the hour
wet hair and card games

laughter and smiles for every meal
and waffles :)
first bikini
summer crushes
first GOOD kiss
sneaking in the cooler
bonfires with a broken radio
sneaking out only to get caught
fireworks and screams
motown and james brown

tears and heartache
comfort and support
refuge from reality
shooting stars
Orion
questions and answers

reunions that last forever
memories that will never stop being made
my line that keeps pulling me in

mom and dad

home

My Perfection

Everybody has something about their life that makes them sad at times and makes their smile fall a bit. The people that survive are the ones who understand this commonality. Knowing you are not the only one with extra weight on your shoulders, allows you to push this sadness aside at times and simply enjoy all the good things about your life.

The best times in life, to me, are the times when everything is perfect at a single moment. That moment may not last longer than a second, but it lasted. Last night was one of those moments. I was sitting on the porch of Old Bay Steamer with one of my best friends, her family, old friends and new friends. The table was covered in sweat from the scotch, Auburn was proving another sad football season, and the humidity definitely could have been turned down a notch.

When you invite someone new into a group you have known your whole life, it is always nerve racking to see how it will all work out. Will this new person feel out of loop? Will the life long friends fail to see the good parts of this new friend? In an instant everyone meshed. New friendships were born beside a hand full of new jokes.

I sat back and looked at my life at that very moment. Everyone was laughing, forgetting about all the horrible things our world can offer. For one instant, the events of your past did not matter. Your football team did not distinguish you from the table, and selfish emotions did not play a role. There is no sound sweeter than the sound of your friends laughing….knowing the people you love the most are happy right now.

At that very moment, life was unmistakably perfect.

Wake Up Rip

I honestly feel like Rip Van Winkle. It is like I just woke up and don’t remember the past few weeks or maybe even months.

I have been working my tail off for my wine festival in FL this past weekend. I have been over worked, my confidence has been bruised and my positive attitude has been stretched. But what I learned from this past six months is to get over myself. Time for an ego check.

A volunteer came up to me early one morning when we were setting up and started asking me all about the festival and my job. I was worried about where the rest of my volunteers were and thinking only about the tasks I had to accomplish in the next 2 hours so naturally (for me) I was rude. I gave short answers and didn’t smile at her. She started asking if this was all I did all year, like a f***ing ant could do my job. I was ready to tell her what a bad ass I was until I looked at her. She looked at me in amazement and said, “You get to do this for a living?”

Well, hell, she got me. Guess what Searcy, not everyone is judging you when they ask about your life and you do have an amazing job whether you are good at it or not. After she said this, I stopped and looked around my event site and it looked completely different to me. It looked like a blessing, luck. Whatever you want to call it, it was me.

Every day I wake up and walk into an office where you don’t meet a receptionist. Each person is different, but the one thing we have in common is our shoes stay under our desks. We laugh until we cry, and we bicker until we laugh. The pieces of my puzzles include wine, food, and forklifts. Where else on earth could I find a job that allows me to rub elbows with some of the most well known chefs and community leaders in the South and drive a 26ft Penske in the same day? (If you don’t know me, the driving the 26 ft Penske part is one of my favorites!!)

So it is time to wake up, Rip. Life is only getting better.

Sweet Cheeks

So you know how I mentioned I am trying my hand at song writing? Well, I have been writing things down here and there but nothing really falling together yet. The other night that ADD man was back and I couldn’t sleep. I need to mention too that my doctor took me off of “the pill” to try and get rid of these headaches. So my emotions are all over the place. I started crying and I mean boohooing the other night over something that happened seven years ago!!!!! Really?

Anyway, so I couldn’t sleep because I was sad. So I sat up and just wrote about it. It is a topic that is really personal to me and I didn’t know if I wanted to write a whole song about it or just make a reference to it in another song. I mean I guess I can do both.

So, this weekend I let a good friend of mine read what I wrote. He has written a few songs, and so he was really interested to see what I came up with. I would LOVE to be able to write songs for a living. How cool? So when he read my thoughts, why in the world did I feel butt naked!?

I seriously had to walk outside and find something to occupy my mind. I felt like someone had just pulled my dress over my head. You know that feeling of complete vulnerability and humility? And I do not mean the funny kind!! I love embarrassment and embrace it at any given moment, but this was a completely different feeling.

I know everyone has had the dream where you are all of a sudden naked at school. Well that is the feeling I had in the clearest way I could explain it. I guess this goes back to my first blog posting when I talk about writing being a form of complete vulnerability.

I just all of a sudden got scared that every word I wrote down was stupid, and some of them were! I didn’t want him to read it and be like, “Oh crap, now I have to fake that I like it.” I wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment. But it ended well. He is a sweet friend. He came outside with a really great look on his face and said he wanted to work on it with me. He was honest!!! It was not great, but it was words and they were true.

You Want On My Band Wagon?

So I feel the need to clear something up. I first need to admit I have a hard time getting across the point I am trying to make, and most times end up making the wrong point.

If you read through my blog you will see plenty of entries or references to love and relationships. Who doesn’t think about this stuff, right? But I believe my comments have led my amazing blog followers to believe I am “looking” for these things I am writing about. I guess in essence I am, because what single person isn’t, but I am most definitely not actively searching.

Every day brings a lesson, whether that lesson is delivered through experience, observation or reflection. This is basically the theme of my blogs and really of my life now. I want to take in everything I see, feel and touch and learn from it. When I write about relationships, I am writing about something I have just learned or observed, and simply documenting it.

My life is so full of lessons right now, I swear. I want to fly fish, mountain bike, work on a captain’s license and even start to write songs. I would love to be able to sing my songs, but let’s not get too carried away. To give everyone the correct impression of how I am feeling about my personal relationships today, I would say I am just living. I am living for myself, my friends and my family. I am living to take in every moment, because to be honest, when I get to those pearly gates and I see David Smith, he is going to ask me why I didn’t mark off that List Of Things To Do In Life.

Of course there are times I wish I had someone there with me, but I don’t want to waste my emotions on that one. I would rather be ecstatic about each day’s moments, instead of wondering why I don’t have a boyfriend or husband with me. Actually the word husband still scares me.

So anyway, please read my blogs with the understanding that I am not trying to figure out why I don’t have a significant other, because I don’t need a reason. I create my own reasons. I am not out in this unbelievable world trying to find someone to spend my life with. I love me right now, maybe a little more than I should, but I am pretty cool. I think it would be awesome to meet someone who likes what I do and wants to jump on the wagon, but I don’t “need” that. It makes me happy to have family and friends who like to jump on the wagon in my life, but all that other love stuff will come when it needs to. There is no point in me “waiting around” for it.

I love my fellow bloggers and honestly look in my email every day anticipating a comment. I love the comments. It would only make sense that a single 26 year old would be getting antsy to meet her husband, but ya’ll gotta remember, this is me. I am no ordinary 26 year old.

I Need A Shepherd

I literally have been laying in the bed for over an hour trying to silence all the thoughts running around in my head. I swear I have a little A.D.D man running around trying to herd cats in my head.

What time am I going to get up in the morning so I can get to work early enough to map out a weekly plan that gives me time to do my work and gives my new employee enough responsibilities to fill up her days? How am I going to convince wine distributors who are struggling in today’s economy to take a gamble on my event? I need to get more restaurants to participate in my Brunch, but the only way to reach these people is to walk into their kitchens which are two hours away from where I live.

By the way, this weekend is my birthday and what in the hell am I going to do!!?? I feel guilty for taking the time to enjoy myself and let loose when there is way too much to worry about at work right now.

Among all of this I have been trying my hand at writing songs. I don’t like anything that has come out of my head so far. It’s like I can feel the words to about 10 different songs in my head, but for some reason I can’t get them to come together to make any sense. I want to write about Ford, I want to write about David, about Loser’s, about taking the time you have right this second to do all the things you have ever wanted to do. Do I want to exaggerate a story to make a better song, or do I want to stay true to myself and tell it like it is? GET OUT…...

You know how people say you close a chapter in life and start on a new one, or you are turning a page? I fee like I am turning. Like my page is somewhere in the air on its way to a complete turn.

I have been having these headaches every day for about 5 months and they seem to be getting a little stronger. I don’t think I EVER had headaches before. So now, I am going off birth control to see if that is the cause. Great. Take away the one thing that keeps my moods and hormones on a predictable and controllable path so for the next three months I will just be a hormonal bitch with a headache. That will help get all these cats herded.

I mean, I just wish this page would turn so I could know what it is my thoughts are trying to get out. I swear this better be a damn good song stuck in my head.

P.S. I tend to write multiple blogs at one time, so read the one below here. It is new too.

All That I Want

For some reason, my birthday makes me think about Love. (I know this sounds like it could be cheesy and I promise I am not trying to make it that way.) I start to think about why people love each other, how people love each other, what was the point of God instilling this need for love into our hearts. Maybe I think about this because I have never had a boyfriend on my birthday to make me feel like I stood out. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a mother who never once let a year go by without a birthday party and who’s heart broke when my surprise party got ruined by someone’s mom leaving a message on our answering machine. P.S. don’t ever do that. Just ask them to call you back.

I was sitting here thinking about what I want for my birthday. I could easily write out a list of things I want or need right now, but that isn’t fun. To me your birthday isn’t so much about standing out in a crowd; it’s about feeling like you stand out to the people who stand out to you. Yes it would be nice to get a mountain bike or fly fishing lessons or even some new running socks, but what would be the ultimate? To me, it would be having someone show up at my door unexpected to pick me up so we can roll down the windows, drive to nowhere and turn the music up. Or actually get something like fly fishing lessons, simply because they have been paying attention to what I am saying and hear the need for some casting guidance.

I guess my stumbling block is this…you can’t actually tell someone how to love you. You can’t really be in a relationship that is missing romance and tell that person they need to be more romantic, because they will only be romantic because you told them to be, not because they wanted to be. So how did that work? Isn’t there still something missing?

Now for the record I am no pro at this whole love thing. This Saturday is not only my 26th birthday, but it is basically my 26th anniversary of being single. I haven’t actually had what you would call serious relationships or even “good” ones, but I am pretty sure about one thing:

Love is being in a relationship that doesn’t make you think like this.

Don't Stop Believin'

I think I was about 14 or 15 when I started praying. When I really understood what it meant to rely on God and have a faith in Him. Now of course my beliefs and my questions have developed over the years, but I have always prayed. That has never stopped, but how I pray has changed. In my younger years, my prayers sounded more like a wish list or a Christmas list than a conversation. Out of all the things I have prayed for, or about, in my life there is one prayer that taught me more by not being answered.

I was the “fat kid” for a good portion of my life. I loved being a tomboy and having all the boys as my friends. I was never shy or nervous in front of them because I guess I was like them…..hell I looked like them!!! Then high school started creeping around the corner. I noticed the boys started liking other girls and talking to pretty girls. All of a sudden, I was left behind. So, I did what a lot of girls did then, I stopped eating. Soon, I found myself wearing a size 2, running every day and only eating ½ a bagel in the morning and the other ½ at night. Much to my surprise, I still never got asked to a dance. So, I started praying.

Every night when I went to sleep I ended my prayers in tears, begging God to let me have a boyfriend. I wanted to know what it was like to be “liked”. I wanted to know someone was actually looking at me and liking what they saw. I didn’t want to keep hoping someone would ask me to the dance knowing I would have to ask one of my friends from another school. I just knew that if I prayed every night hard enough God would certainly give me what I needed. At the time, I didn’t know how right I was.

I ended my nightly prayers with a boyfriend request well into college. Still, no answer. What I didn’t know was that He was actually answering me. I have spent a large portion of my life thinking I need feelings from someone else to make me feel normal. To make me like everyone else. Finding that love of your life was the whole point of going to college, right? Well, I have some news……

I found love. I was 24, living in “paradise” with a man who adored me. Everything was great. He was the life of the party, but showed me a sincere side no one else got to see. He made me feel like I was the core of his life. Everything he did was for us……but it wasn’t. I finally had to start asking myself how much he really loved me if he never respected one request I ever made. From putting his plate in the sink to cutting back on his drinking, he never once listened to what I wanted. If everything he did was for us, then why was it all done at my expense? I finally looked at him and realized how much I used to like myself. At that point, all I wanted in life was to get myself back.

So, I did. I cried. I moved. I cried some more. I made new friends. Rekindled with old friends. Tried new things. Moved again. Then, I realized, I had stopped crying and started laughing. Laughing at everything!!!!

Today, I was on my way home from work, driving along the water, and two thoughts hit me right in the face:

If you find yourself loving someone more than you love yourself, you will find yourself missing out on the best part of life.

I love to stand on the edge of a cliff, because the thrill isn’t in jumping, it’s in finding out what pushes you. Sometimes you don’t even notice the thrill until you have hit the ground and look up.

I guess you could say God did answer my prayer. While I was asking for a boyfriend, God heard the needs of my heart and he gave it to me.

The Best Month EVER

Much better. I was getting really sick of that green and brown color. I am sure I will get sick of this one too, but it works for now.

It has been a pretty rough week. Work is wearing me down, my personal life went berserk, and I have been an emotional basket case. Poor me. Cry me a river. What I should be thinking is how grateful I am to not only have a job, but to have one I love. I should be thankful he doesn’t think I am a lunatic for being so dramatic. What can I say? I miss him.

This weekend was a great start to a new perspective and the best month ever. It is finally August. For a whole month I get to celebrate my birthday!! Who knows if I actually have the right to, but I sure do love to enjoy my birthday. Here is the run-down of the month and I am soooo excited!

Aug 1. Got to reunite with an old friend. My mom told me that my friend Lyles lived down here with her husband and little girl. I haven’t seen Lyles in years and didn’t even know what she was doing. We talked for a good hour and with such ease. It is always good to catch up with an old friend, but even better to pick up where you left off.

Aug 2. Amazing party here in Gulf Shores for Drew and Hannah!! I got to wear a really pretty dress (thank you Jana!!) and play P&A with some old friends from school. That’s right, we brought out drinking games at an engagement party. Perfect.

Aug 6. Possible Journey concert with my sweet friend Jana and her husband. Why not?

Aug 8-9. Nashville comes to the beach!! Laurel, Pallie, Libby (who has never seen the Gulf), and Miranda are headed down to see me…and I guess the beach too. The weekend will be filled with some hot sun time, tasty cookouts, and unforgettable memories. We will certainly miss Sarah, but I am sure we will spare a few laughs at her expense. She does have a way of making people smile even when she isn’t there.

Aug 14-17. Lee will be down here and hopefully I will get to spend some time with him. I am going to spend the weekend at the Bay with mom, dad, Gibbs, Prad, Prad’s parents and uncle Michael. I smile just thinking about it!!

Aug 22-23. Dikki Du and the Zydeco Krew!!!! Hell yeah. I am headed to SoWal to see my girls and get a little zydeco in my step. I’m even going to stop in at my new favorite bar over there, La Botana, to get me some birthday champagne and some good laughs.

Aug 30. Freckle Fest has arrived!!!!!!!! I will turn 26, probably add some more grey hair to my head and smile for days on end.

No matter what is going on in your life, always and I mean always take the time to enjoy it. Make a big deal out of the little things. I promise you will have more fun each and every day.

A Google Surprise

Don't you just love Googling yourself? I do. Especially when this article surfaces and really shows the world my classy charm: http://www.sportsline.com/spin/story/9956132/3. Please note my level of intelligence in submitting this comment under the username SEARCY YODER!!!! They will never figure out who wrote that.

I don't know how on earth I have been able to get a job let alone maintain one after a rampage like this one. On second thought, maybe this is why I was hired by a magazine! They fell in love with my unbelievable writing skills.

Laura - this one is STILL dedicated to you and Martha.

Patient Love

The will of her heart, the thrill of her character…there is no better combination.

All my life I have worked hard at making sure she and I were nothing alike.

I fought her on everything from school to sports...even over my white fringed cowboy boots.

I always dreamed big of living in different places and becoming different people, but her dreams were different; a little more close to home. For so many years I used her as an obstacle I couldn’t get through, an excuse as to why I wasn’t doing all the things I wanted to.

I was loud and stubborn, pretty damn hurtful and difficult. Lord knows I was her biggest challenge.

But, everything I was, she was and more.

I saw a selfish woman with no clue who I could be, but every time I slammed that door on her, all she saw was me.

She knocked me down so I’d learn to stand back up.

There came a time in my life when I thought I had ruined it all. I thought she would never know how to see me again. She would continue to watch as I continued to fall.

Sometimes it takes falling on your knees to see what is real in your life. So when I got back on my feet, I saw a woman standing in front of me….the one I wanted to be.

The thrill of her character, the will of her heart are things I only pray she sees in me.

Happy Birthday, Mom. You deserve more than a bowl of flowers!!!!

Seriously, one of my favorite lines in a song:

"You could make a hurricane write a sonnet." - Tab Benoit

What does it mean to you?

Fast and Free

"If I could get started in the right direction
I might just get to where I want to go
But my heart beats like a rhythm section
I've got to tell myself to take it slow

And it's a good thing how you want to be anxious
And it's a good thing your getting ready to roll
But nothing that was every worth while, child
Came fast and free to my soul" -Tab Benoit

These are the lyrics of a musician whose music has the tendency to stay in your soul long after the song is over. I frequently find myself tapping my feet to his songs playing in my head while I sit in my quiet office, attempting to work.

The real beauty of this song is that it can make me keep its beat on my steering wheel while slapping me across the face at the same time. Seriously. I have been in love with this song for months now and just heard what it had to say the other night.

Of all people in this world I may be one of the most anxious. I always have a plan which must be executed precisely on time or my body is left feeling completely off balance. Whenever I get an idea in my head or figure out what it is I want, I have to act on it right then. I can never wait to do anything. I guess that is why I have moved states every year or so for the past three years!!

Point being, Tab is right on target. Although I am anxious and always ready to go, I have found that everything in my life that is fulfilling has been worth the wait. I have to admit there are plenty of things in my life I try to take control of myself, so God can take care of the bigger issues, but we all know it just simply doesn’t work this way.

It is moments like last Friday night when I finally heard the words to this song and understood why I loved it so much. It is one of those daily joys we all get but don’t always see, when God says, “Hey, I got this one too”.

What's Hard to Remember is Even Harder to Forget

When your friends live so far away, do you ever forget just how much they make your heart smile? Of course you know how much you love them and you could talk about how great they are, but you never seem to remember that tingly feeling you get when you see their eyes, hear their voices, and touch their skin. It's like you have forgotten how their friendship makes you feel until you see it all come back on their faces.

I have spent the past two days trying to get over how much I enjoyed myself this past 4th of July. I can't seem to get the memories and the words of this past weekend out of my head, and I am pretty sure I don't want to. They certainly will never leave my heart. For the first time in a long time I was able to relax at all times and not have to take charge (basically because Blake was WAY better at being in charge). I didn't care that I stayed out at the Flora Bama every night until they kicked us out. I didn't care that I waited for about two hours to get picked up on a boat. I was with friends who wanted to spend time with me and wanted to talk to me. That beats anything and everything. I laughed and smiled harder this weekend than in a long time. Seriously… my face hurts!

I made a lot of friends when I was in Auburn, but I don't think I ever knew how much we really all meant to each other. It doesn't matter if they were the friends I lived with, went out with, only saw at the bar or even only got to see a few times. We all meant something to each other then, and we certainly mean something to each other still.

As I am sitting at my computer at work on Monday and trying to get the memories of the weekend out of my head, I get an email from Laurel. She and four other of my “girls” from Nashville are coming to stay with me in a month. Are you serious? Talk about excitement overload!!! I am definitely the luckiest girl around…at least hangin’ around this town!

I have spent the past two years getting back to who I am and falling back in love with myself. Well, all I have to say about that is: Check. But the real truth is.....I am totally in love with my friends.

Marking Off The List

If you were to open up my wallet, you would easily find the most important thing in my life. Look past the credit cards, don’t even bother looking for cash, and don’t flip through my check book, but right on top of my checks is a blue piece of scratch paper being held in place by a paper clip. Unfold the paper and you will find a list of things I want to do in my life.

This list is my drive. It is what allows me to live so freely. It is more than a list. It is a list I am actually marking off. I never get complacent. Each item on this list allows me to see the world from a different view. This list is ever changing. It will probably change after I post this blog. Sometimes it is hard for me to go back and try and remember what used to be on the list, because those things tend to naturally become a part of my life.

Now, I’m not claiming to have done some outstanding deeds, or climbed mountains or anything. I guess you could read this list and get an explanation of me in the simplest of ways. These aren’t very out of reach dreams or difficult tasks to accomplish, but the whole idea is to actually get off your tail and make your ideas a reality.

So please laugh and feel free to make fun of me……to my face. One of my favorite things in life is embarrassment, so have at it!!!

All the things in bold are things I have accomplished:

Talladega (I mean like at least 3 times!!!! Even chased Jr. to Troy after the race once in college, thanks to some boys in trucks!!!)
Live in Nashville
Read the Bible from front to back
Learn to drive a tractor
Fly fishing (currently learning)
Paint
Be a food critic (ummm, currently may have the opportunity?)
Write a song
Kiss Alan Jackson
Fishing in Alaska
Compete in a fishing tournament
Be a secret service agent
Drive a big rig; even better if I could get a license. (The 26 ft. Penske only counts as practice)
Operate a crane
Adopt a child, multiple if I can, and a husband is not a requirement
Visit Colorado in the summer
Go to the Outback in Australia (no touristy stuff – I want to be dropped off in the middle of the outback with someone who knows the ropes)
Be an animal cop
Volunteer Firefighter
Get my Captain’s license
Live and work on a farm where I can have cows, horses, pigs and fields of hay (really I want to drive a tractor every day)
Play the drums
Play the harmonica
Rescue a dog (14 if I have to)
Pet pig
Open a therapeutic horse ranch for the disabled with Laura

OK, so maybe some are a little far fetched, but we are reaching for the stars right? Nobody ever told me I couldn’t.

What is on your list?

Really? How Old Am I?

(In order to read this blog, it is a requirement for you to be able to understand sarcasm.)

I was born on August 30, 1982 when the summers were long and pregnant mothers drank. I can prove it. I have a picture of my mother at least seven months pregnant, floating at the beach with a Miller Light in hand. Ask her.

I grew up in Alabama going to private school with all the rich kids of Montgomery (who ended up really being amazing people…well, some). My summers were filled with Red Light, Green Light; Tag (tackle); cards; cold swimming pools and heat lightening. I was lucky enough to have a father who could teach me how to use power tools and fish, uncles who taught me how to hunt and a mother who taught me the only way to fight is by “killing them with kindness”. I never knew you had to pay money for that swimming pool water or to be able to turn on those power tools. Going to work every day doesn’t really mean you get to go play with kids your own age?

Oh I had the teenage years when I started to learn all of these responsibilities and expenses of life. Mom and Dad always raised me knowing that your job is what you do to provide for your family. Hard work pays off in the end in a self-satisfying way if not also financially. I always told mom I wanted to find a job that was a part of my “fun” life. I want to wake up every morning excited about what I get to do that day for a living. They will actually pay me to do what I do? Sweet, sweet mom always put it very nicely when she said, “Only about one percent of the world has a job like that.” Well what are you trying to say mom? I can’t be a part of that one percent?

Well……I’m not sure if I have necessarily found that job. I mean it’s great, but whatever happened to the years of “finding yourself”? I always heard about kids who got to go out west and live some adventurous life while waiting tables. They went on a search for what they were meant to do in life. They got to live a life most people make up or even make movies about. But what my major question is……..Who paid their health insurance?!!!! Mom and Dad? Oh nooooooooo, not for this soul searcher?

Nobody told me being 25 meant not only paying your own health insurance but choosing your own health insurance plan? What the hell? I thought I was better than everybody because I am still single and Mom and Dad would feel sorry for me and continue to pay my “big girl” bills. Instead I find myself choosing plans that allow me to plan ahead for a life of solitude. No I don’t want the family plan, it’s just me. Nope, no dependents. Thank you, but I’m not really interested in being set up with your alcoholic 32 year old brother!!!!!!!!!! He went to college? Really? For one year and had to come home because he had “too much fun”. No, but thanks for thinking of me?

I have never had that urge to get married. Really. I have been to plenty of weddings where I have gotten excited to have that “day”, but not really that whole ordeal. I mean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and I would love to be married one day, but I just don’t think of it as necessary right now for me. Well apparently my financial planning for the future does!

As you can tell I am in the middle of having to choose one of the 1,800 health insurance plans out there right now for myself. You would think this “soul searching” job I am living would be able to provide some pretty good benefits, and it does. Just not good insurance. So, while I am out there talking about Health Savings Accounts so that I can have enough money to prepare for future medical needs, all I can think about is how I better choose a plan that will be able to help me provide for myself for the rest of my life alone.

Who knew at age 25 I would be planning for my forever single life, I would have to take a pill every day for acid reflux, I would have to stop driving at night because I can’t see, and I would be going to sleep before 9 pm even on weekends?!!!!!!

I’m really not complaining, just venting over insurance plans. Ya’ll know how much I love my life. You read this blog. Excuse me. It is after 10 pm and I am WAY past my bed time.

Someone Else's Eyes

For most of my life I have grown up being some else's eyes. I have dug more holes, fixed more leaks, and launched more boats than most girls my age, or any age at that. I was that little girl with white cowboy boots (with fringe) and wild curly red hair that followed her daddy's footsteps so close he stepped on me more times than not.

Most of you know my father is legally blind. This is the only way I have ever known him. Throughout life he has taught me many things about the workings of houses and boats. He even buys me power tools for little "surprises". I loved more than anything sitting on the stool in his work shop while he was sawing away at his latest project. At night, when I was supposed to be asleep, I could still hear his saw out in the shop as he finished up for the night. I would have done anything to have been able to stay out there with him.

Back then, he didn't need my help as much as he does now. The older we get the more he needs from me. For years now, working on projects with my dad has become more stressful. Reason being is because we are exactly a like and we both have the one and only right answer for the problem we are trying to solve.

What I don't understand is that year after year, my father can't do all the things he could the year before. He won't always be able to repair furniture, fix a broken cabinet or even hammer a nail, but this doesn't stop him from wanting to. It actually makes him want it more. For years I thought I was helping him by taking the hammer and saying, "I'll hit this one in for you, Dad," but it only reminded him that he couldn't. Tonight I learned something about him.

We found our patio at the new house was under about two inches of standing water after a hard rain. If it had gone a few more inches it would have been in the house and ruined the new floors. Dad and I worked for about an hour and were able to find the drain, uncover it and allow the water to flow out naturally. This time, I decided not to try and move my father out of the way and solve this myself. I decided to stop being a pushover and actually learn something from him. He may not be able to see very well, but he knows what he should see and what should happen. It may take him longer to unclog a drain, but he can still do it.

What I learned was that he still knows exactly what he is doing even if it doesn’t look like he does, and I still don’t know more than he does. Who would have thought? It has been a while since we have been able to work together on something without getting upset with each other. This time, we solved the problem, I learned about water drainage and we laughed our tails off at the guy who thought he had installed a good drainage system. Victory.

Even though I feel sometimes my daddy has taught me everything he knows, he hasn’t. I learn more from him by being the one who gets under his feet. After all these years I still know what he is thinking and feeling by just watching him. Most may think my daddy’ eyes are no good anymore because he can’t see out of them, but I can and the world looks pretty good from here.

Hug him….

Don't Be Sorry

"Apologies can appear in many forms. Some as simple as saying 'I'm sorry', some as tender as a touch and some as exciting as a bizarre act. But when it all boils down, apologies are a way of pealing back the layers and making yourself completely vulnerable for a chance at gaining back what once made you smile. So, how do you apologize to yourself?"

Not too long ago, I had a bad day. Not one where my boss was mean to me, or I couldn't stop dropping everything. It was one of those days that something reminded me of something I once did that I actually do regret. There aren’t many things in my life I regret, honestly. If it weren’t for all the falls, bruises and slaps in the face, I wouldn’t be as happy or as sure of myself as I am today. So, I started my journal entry with this paragraph on apologies, and I just let my emotions take over the pages.

Now let’s not get too carried away. I didn’t commit a crime or do anything worthy of juicy gossip. Most people would probably brush my regret right off their shoulder, but it is just something that grabs me. Something that makes me stop and look hard in the mirror when I think about it. After I wrote about it in my journal I had such a sense of accomplishment of getting all my anger and frustration out of my body and onto the paper so I could close this poison out of my thoughts.

But there was something truly important it did not accomplish. It didn’t make me change the way I thought about myself or help me take a step in a different direction. I closed out my thoughts for that day only to allow them to surface again on another day. So, here is my change in direction….

When do we ever take the time to thank ourselves? We all grew up in the South and are quick to thank someone for holding open the door, letting you into traffic, handing over a receipt or even making an impression on your life, but when do we stop and thank ourselves for doing something worthwhile?

So Searcy,

Thank you for knowing when to pack up and get out of a relationship that was draining who you really are.

Thank you for having the guts to move to a city full of people who are bigger than you and more successful than you and just jump in the middle!

Thank you for living on the seat of your pants and taking a job that brought you back to the water.

Thank you for making a life that is yours and not someone else’s.

And thank you LORD for not being dependent on anything other than your soul.

Stop apologizing….

Turnip Greens

What is one of the greatest feelings in the world? (that is rated G please)

I could think of hundreds: massage, pedicure, jumping in the pool after you run, your first deer, being giddy over a new crush.....I could go on and on, but there is one thing I can't get enough of.....

Just letting yourself go.....

I'm talkin' barefoot, dancin' in the kitchen, singing into a wooden spoon louder than you have ever sung before and just letting those cares drift right out the window with the words of a damn good song.

Or maybe I mean shoving your feet into an old pair of boots, hanging them out the window of an old suburban that doesn't even need a key. Loving every sip of that cold beer and singing so loud that you actually sound good.

Gah.....I love that feeling!

What makes you careless? What makes your soul so free you get lost in a world that only you know?

All you have to say to me is Turnip Greens......I'll get lost for days.

Laurel made me do it

So for a few months now I have extremely enjoyed reading my friend's blogs. I have moved away from two people who have taught me so much in such a small amount of time. I miss being near them to just watch and learn from them. Reading their blogs helps me to continue to grow and learn from them in a different way than I have ever experienced.

People tend to be fearlessly truthful when they write. Writing gives you the ability to become completely vulnerable to humility and judgment without even caring. I would never dare say half the things I write, because most of the time, I won't have to face the judgment. Writing gives readers the ability to take the words in front of them and make them their own. There is no tone of voice or facial expression to persuade your judgement. Writing allows you to give a part of yourself to someone else, so they can make a part of you their own.

I have been writing for years. I have umpteen journals starting from childhood and one very full quote book. In high school I used to have a wall in my bedroom covered with quotes on sticky notes. Mom LOVED that and the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. Writing has helped me get through the good and the bad and even helped me get through school!!!! I could BS my way through an essay, but give me multiple choice and I am doomed.

When I lived in Nashville I learned something about myself I never would have guessed. I started going on long walks with Laurel in the afternoons and would always tell her about my most recent day dream. We all day dream right? How else did we get through grade school? Well at least I thought it was normal. I have spent the past 25 years letting my mind go as freely as it wishes. Music is the root of this freedom. I enjoy shutting out all the limits this world places on us and believing for a few minutes I can be anywhere and do anything I damn well please. Hell, I thought we all did this, but we don't. We should....

Anyway, I hope you all find this blog enjoying. The thought of laying it all out there for anyone to see makes me very nervous. Most of my writing is done in the middle of the night or when something bad happens. I want that to change. Negative writing can free you only for a moment from whatever is holding on to you so tightly you don't know whether to scream or just cry. Writing about all the good things, the small things, the heart felt things that allow us all to be a bit "out there" is what teaches you. I don't plan to solve any of the worlds problems by any means, but I do plan on telling you how I feel about them. Maybe you will learn something, maybe you won't. All I know is that I will and I can't wait to find out what it will be.

This is going to be cheesy, but must be said. Laurel, Pallie....you girls have been the best teachers of pure encouragement. You fear no judgment, you backdown to nothing and you love every minute of it. Like everyone else in the world you have your troubles, but you would never know. Your ability to enjoy and stand up for the small things in life is what makes the largest impact. Not only do you encourage me to be better to myself and the earth, but you inspire me to not hide it. We all have a little tree hugger in us.....where is the shame in that? :)