I have never thought myself to be a materialistic person. My dream home doesn't consist of high ceilings and granite. I don't shoe shop outside of the sale rack at Dillard's, and I certainly don't know much about fancy wine. I don't even know how to really put on makeup. I just thought I was a simple girl living in a complex world. I must admit I have been a bit judgemental on people who take pride in their belongings. I am, of course, at times wrong. Today I realized I am absolutely no better than the high dollar man who had to watch all of his belongings get auctioned off to complete strangers.
Over the past three or four years I have hired the same movers to come and pack up my house only to move to the next destination in life. I have seen my furniture wrapped in packing material and seen my home drive away from me, but this time it wasn't the same. This time it wasn't going to a new adventure, it was going to a 10x10 storage unit. Oh, poor me, right? I know. I should have a lot more things to dwell on or to feel sad about.
It just felt different. I saw the things I walked on every day and threw my keys on each time I walked in the house wrapped up for an undetermined about of time. I wasn't watching with anticipation of the next town and the next life. I was watching with fear, or more so, anger.
I have worked so hard to make my life my life. I have listened to my gut and ignored my doubts, only to make life that much more amazing for myself. Honestly, each day has been so fulfilling and so worth it because it was mine. When I left school I searched for myself. I found her. She rocks, by the way. Now, I feel like she is wrapped up in moving papers in a climate controlled storage unit. (At least she has come A/C!!)
I know I am not in control, and believe me, I know God has something unthinkable at the end of this for me. I just think watching all you have being taken from you (whether it be for good or for an undetermined time frame) puts life into perspective. Who knows how bad this recession will get. I might have to sell what I have in that 10x10 (I have a great washer and dryer I am willing to part with for $300), or I may be lucky enough to unwrap it all and make a new home.
I think it is the life undetermined I am most afraid of. I shouldn't be. I have done that before. I just can't even start to guess where it will go this time.
Ultimately, I would love to be a writer and fisherman for the rest of my life. hummmm, is a charter boat 10x10?
3 comments:
Not having control sucks. Cheer up Charlie. and we MUST get together over the holidays.
Searcy!!
So yes, i just started a blog like last week and now i am obsessed obviously.
I am excited that you are in Montgomery. I need to get your number, i will definately call you. I don't know about bonfires but i think we may do something one night this weekend, i would love to see you!....oh and p.s. we will be in hopehull this weekend, so very close to you, come see the puppies if you want!
Keep in touch!
your fisherwoman dreams are on their way to coming true {in my dreams anyway}!! :->
Post a Comment