If you were to open up my wallet, you would easily find the most important thing in my life. Look past the credit cards, don’t even bother looking for cash, and don’t flip through my check book, but right on top of my checks is a blue piece of scratch paper being held in place by a paper clip. Unfold the paper and you will find a list of things I want to do in my life.
This list is my drive. It is what allows me to live so freely. It is more than a list. It is a list I am actually marking off. I never get complacent. Each item on this list allows me to see the world from a different view. This list is ever changing. It will probably change after I post this blog. Sometimes it is hard for me to go back and try and remember what used to be on the list, because those things tend to naturally become a part of my life.
Now, I’m not claiming to have done some outstanding deeds, or climbed mountains or anything. I guess you could read this list and get an explanation of me in the simplest of ways. These aren’t very out of reach dreams or difficult tasks to accomplish, but the whole idea is to actually get off your tail and make your ideas a reality.
So please laugh and feel free to make fun of me……to my face. One of my favorite things in life is embarrassment, so have at it!!!
All the things in bold are things I have accomplished:
Talladega (I mean like at least 3 times!!!! Even chased Jr. to Troy after the race once in college, thanks to some boys in trucks!!!)
Live in Nashville
Read the Bible from front to back
Learn to drive a tractor
Fly fishing (currently learning)
Paint
Be a food critic (ummm, currently may have the opportunity?)
Write a song
Kiss Alan Jackson
Fishing in Alaska
Compete in a fishing tournament
Be a secret service agent
Drive a big rig; even better if I could get a license. (The 26 ft. Penske only counts as practice)
Operate a crane
Adopt a child, multiple if I can, and a husband is not a requirement
Visit Colorado in the summer
Go to the Outback in Australia (no touristy stuff – I want to be dropped off in the middle of the outback with someone who knows the ropes)
Be an animal cop
Volunteer Firefighter
Get my Captain’s license
Live and work on a farm where I can have cows, horses, pigs and fields of hay (really I want to drive a tractor every day)
Play the drums
Play the harmonica
Rescue a dog (14 if I have to)
Pet pig
Open a therapeutic horse ranch for the disabled with Laura
OK, so maybe some are a little far fetched, but we are reaching for the stars right? Nobody ever told me I couldn’t.
What is on your list?
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Really? How Old Am I?
(In order to read this blog, it is a requirement for you to be able to understand sarcasm.)
I was born on August 30, 1982 when the summers were long and pregnant mothers drank. I can prove it. I have a picture of my mother at least seven months pregnant, floating at the beach with a Miller Light in hand. Ask her.
I grew up in Alabama going to private school with all the rich kids of Montgomery (who ended up really being amazing people…well, some). My summers were filled with Red Light, Green Light; Tag (tackle); cards; cold swimming pools and heat lightening. I was lucky enough to have a father who could teach me how to use power tools and fish, uncles who taught me how to hunt and a mother who taught me the only way to fight is by “killing them with kindness”. I never knew you had to pay money for that swimming pool water or to be able to turn on those power tools. Going to work every day doesn’t really mean you get to go play with kids your own age?
Oh I had the teenage years when I started to learn all of these responsibilities and expenses of life. Mom and Dad always raised me knowing that your job is what you do to provide for your family. Hard work pays off in the end in a self-satisfying way if not also financially. I always told mom I wanted to find a job that was a part of my “fun” life. I want to wake up every morning excited about what I get to do that day for a living. They will actually pay me to do what I do? Sweet, sweet mom always put it very nicely when she said, “Only about one percent of the world has a job like that.” Well what are you trying to say mom? I can’t be a part of that one percent?
Well……I’m not sure if I have necessarily found that job. I mean it’s great, but whatever happened to the years of “finding yourself”? I always heard about kids who got to go out west and live some adventurous life while waiting tables. They went on a search for what they were meant to do in life. They got to live a life most people make up or even make movies about. But what my major question is……..Who paid their health insurance?!!!! Mom and Dad? Oh nooooooooo, not for this soul searcher?
Nobody told me being 25 meant not only paying your own health insurance but choosing your own health insurance plan? What the hell? I thought I was better than everybody because I am still single and Mom and Dad would feel sorry for me and continue to pay my “big girl” bills. Instead I find myself choosing plans that allow me to plan ahead for a life of solitude. No I don’t want the family plan, it’s just me. Nope, no dependents. Thank you, but I’m not really interested in being set up with your alcoholic 32 year old brother!!!!!!!!!! He went to college? Really? For one year and had to come home because he had “too much fun”. No, but thanks for thinking of me?
I have never had that urge to get married. Really. I have been to plenty of weddings where I have gotten excited to have that “day”, but not really that whole ordeal. I mean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and I would love to be married one day, but I just don’t think of it as necessary right now for me. Well apparently my financial planning for the future does!
As you can tell I am in the middle of having to choose one of the 1,800 health insurance plans out there right now for myself. You would think this “soul searching” job I am living would be able to provide some pretty good benefits, and it does. Just not good insurance. So, while I am out there talking about Health Savings Accounts so that I can have enough money to prepare for future medical needs, all I can think about is how I better choose a plan that will be able to help me provide for myself for the rest of my life alone.
Who knew at age 25 I would be planning for my forever single life, I would have to take a pill every day for acid reflux, I would have to stop driving at night because I can’t see, and I would be going to sleep before 9 pm even on weekends?!!!!!!
I’m really not complaining, just venting over insurance plans. Ya’ll know how much I love my life. You read this blog. Excuse me. It is after 10 pm and I am WAY past my bed time.
I was born on August 30, 1982 when the summers were long and pregnant mothers drank. I can prove it. I have a picture of my mother at least seven months pregnant, floating at the beach with a Miller Light in hand. Ask her.
I grew up in Alabama going to private school with all the rich kids of Montgomery (who ended up really being amazing people…well, some). My summers were filled with Red Light, Green Light; Tag (tackle); cards; cold swimming pools and heat lightening. I was lucky enough to have a father who could teach me how to use power tools and fish, uncles who taught me how to hunt and a mother who taught me the only way to fight is by “killing them with kindness”. I never knew you had to pay money for that swimming pool water or to be able to turn on those power tools. Going to work every day doesn’t really mean you get to go play with kids your own age?
Oh I had the teenage years when I started to learn all of these responsibilities and expenses of life. Mom and Dad always raised me knowing that your job is what you do to provide for your family. Hard work pays off in the end in a self-satisfying way if not also financially. I always told mom I wanted to find a job that was a part of my “fun” life. I want to wake up every morning excited about what I get to do that day for a living. They will actually pay me to do what I do? Sweet, sweet mom always put it very nicely when she said, “Only about one percent of the world has a job like that.” Well what are you trying to say mom? I can’t be a part of that one percent?
Well……I’m not sure if I have necessarily found that job. I mean it’s great, but whatever happened to the years of “finding yourself”? I always heard about kids who got to go out west and live some adventurous life while waiting tables. They went on a search for what they were meant to do in life. They got to live a life most people make up or even make movies about. But what my major question is……..Who paid their health insurance?!!!! Mom and Dad? Oh nooooooooo, not for this soul searcher?
Nobody told me being 25 meant not only paying your own health insurance but choosing your own health insurance plan? What the hell? I thought I was better than everybody because I am still single and Mom and Dad would feel sorry for me and continue to pay my “big girl” bills. Instead I find myself choosing plans that allow me to plan ahead for a life of solitude. No I don’t want the family plan, it’s just me. Nope, no dependents. Thank you, but I’m not really interested in being set up with your alcoholic 32 year old brother!!!!!!!!!! He went to college? Really? For one year and had to come home because he had “too much fun”. No, but thanks for thinking of me?
I have never had that urge to get married. Really. I have been to plenty of weddings where I have gotten excited to have that “day”, but not really that whole ordeal. I mean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and I would love to be married one day, but I just don’t think of it as necessary right now for me. Well apparently my financial planning for the future does!
As you can tell I am in the middle of having to choose one of the 1,800 health insurance plans out there right now for myself. You would think this “soul searching” job I am living would be able to provide some pretty good benefits, and it does. Just not good insurance. So, while I am out there talking about Health Savings Accounts so that I can have enough money to prepare for future medical needs, all I can think about is how I better choose a plan that will be able to help me provide for myself for the rest of my life alone.
Who knew at age 25 I would be planning for my forever single life, I would have to take a pill every day for acid reflux, I would have to stop driving at night because I can’t see, and I would be going to sleep before 9 pm even on weekends?!!!!!!
I’m really not complaining, just venting over insurance plans. Ya’ll know how much I love my life. You read this blog. Excuse me. It is after 10 pm and I am WAY past my bed time.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Someone Else's Eyes
For most of my life I have grown up being some else's eyes. I have dug more holes, fixed more leaks, and launched more boats than most girls my age, or any age at that. I was that little girl with white cowboy boots (with fringe) and wild curly red hair that followed her daddy's footsteps so close he stepped on me more times than not.
Most of you know my father is legally blind. This is the only way I have ever known him. Throughout life he has taught me many things about the workings of houses and boats. He even buys me power tools for little "surprises". I loved more than anything sitting on the stool in his work shop while he was sawing away at his latest project. At night, when I was supposed to be asleep, I could still hear his saw out in the shop as he finished up for the night. I would have done anything to have been able to stay out there with him.
Back then, he didn't need my help as much as he does now. The older we get the more he needs from me. For years now, working on projects with my dad has become more stressful. Reason being is because we are exactly a like and we both have the one and only right answer for the problem we are trying to solve.
What I don't understand is that year after year, my father can't do all the things he could the year before. He won't always be able to repair furniture, fix a broken cabinet or even hammer a nail, but this doesn't stop him from wanting to. It actually makes him want it more. For years I thought I was helping him by taking the hammer and saying, "I'll hit this one in for you, Dad," but it only reminded him that he couldn't. Tonight I learned something about him.
We found our patio at the new house was under about two inches of standing water after a hard rain. If it had gone a few more inches it would have been in the house and ruined the new floors. Dad and I worked for about an hour and were able to find the drain, uncover it and allow the water to flow out naturally. This time, I decided not to try and move my father out of the way and solve this myself. I decided to stop being a pushover and actually learn something from him. He may not be able to see very well, but he knows what he should see and what should happen. It may take him longer to unclog a drain, but he can still do it.
What I learned was that he still knows exactly what he is doing even if it doesn’t look like he does, and I still don’t know more than he does. Who would have thought? It has been a while since we have been able to work together on something without getting upset with each other. This time, we solved the problem, I learned about water drainage and we laughed our tails off at the guy who thought he had installed a good drainage system. Victory.
Even though I feel sometimes my daddy has taught me everything he knows, he hasn’t. I learn more from him by being the one who gets under his feet. After all these years I still know what he is thinking and feeling by just watching him. Most may think my daddy’ eyes are no good anymore because he can’t see out of them, but I can and the world looks pretty good from here.
Hug him….
Most of you know my father is legally blind. This is the only way I have ever known him. Throughout life he has taught me many things about the workings of houses and boats. He even buys me power tools for little "surprises". I loved more than anything sitting on the stool in his work shop while he was sawing away at his latest project. At night, when I was supposed to be asleep, I could still hear his saw out in the shop as he finished up for the night. I would have done anything to have been able to stay out there with him.
Back then, he didn't need my help as much as he does now. The older we get the more he needs from me. For years now, working on projects with my dad has become more stressful. Reason being is because we are exactly a like and we both have the one and only right answer for the problem we are trying to solve.
What I don't understand is that year after year, my father can't do all the things he could the year before. He won't always be able to repair furniture, fix a broken cabinet or even hammer a nail, but this doesn't stop him from wanting to. It actually makes him want it more. For years I thought I was helping him by taking the hammer and saying, "I'll hit this one in for you, Dad," but it only reminded him that he couldn't. Tonight I learned something about him.
We found our patio at the new house was under about two inches of standing water after a hard rain. If it had gone a few more inches it would have been in the house and ruined the new floors. Dad and I worked for about an hour and were able to find the drain, uncover it and allow the water to flow out naturally. This time, I decided not to try and move my father out of the way and solve this myself. I decided to stop being a pushover and actually learn something from him. He may not be able to see very well, but he knows what he should see and what should happen. It may take him longer to unclog a drain, but he can still do it.
What I learned was that he still knows exactly what he is doing even if it doesn’t look like he does, and I still don’t know more than he does. Who would have thought? It has been a while since we have been able to work together on something without getting upset with each other. This time, we solved the problem, I learned about water drainage and we laughed our tails off at the guy who thought he had installed a good drainage system. Victory.
Even though I feel sometimes my daddy has taught me everything he knows, he hasn’t. I learn more from him by being the one who gets under his feet. After all these years I still know what he is thinking and feeling by just watching him. Most may think my daddy’ eyes are no good anymore because he can’t see out of them, but I can and the world looks pretty good from here.
Hug him….
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Don't Be Sorry
"Apologies can appear in many forms. Some as simple as saying 'I'm sorry', some as tender as a touch and some as exciting as a bizarre act. But when it all boils down, apologies are a way of pealing back the layers and making yourself completely vulnerable for a chance at gaining back what once made you smile. So, how do you apologize to yourself?"
Not too long ago, I had a bad day. Not one where my boss was mean to me, or I couldn't stop dropping everything. It was one of those days that something reminded me of something I once did that I actually do regret. There aren’t many things in my life I regret, honestly. If it weren’t for all the falls, bruises and slaps in the face, I wouldn’t be as happy or as sure of myself as I am today. So, I started my journal entry with this paragraph on apologies, and I just let my emotions take over the pages.
Now let’s not get too carried away. I didn’t commit a crime or do anything worthy of juicy gossip. Most people would probably brush my regret right off their shoulder, but it is just something that grabs me. Something that makes me stop and look hard in the mirror when I think about it. After I wrote about it in my journal I had such a sense of accomplishment of getting all my anger and frustration out of my body and onto the paper so I could close this poison out of my thoughts.
But there was something truly important it did not accomplish. It didn’t make me change the way I thought about myself or help me take a step in a different direction. I closed out my thoughts for that day only to allow them to surface again on another day. So, here is my change in direction….
When do we ever take the time to thank ourselves? We all grew up in the South and are quick to thank someone for holding open the door, letting you into traffic, handing over a receipt or even making an impression on your life, but when do we stop and thank ourselves for doing something worthwhile?
So Searcy,
Thank you for knowing when to pack up and get out of a relationship that was draining who you really are.
Thank you for having the guts to move to a city full of people who are bigger than you and more successful than you and just jump in the middle!
Thank you for living on the seat of your pants and taking a job that brought you back to the water.
Thank you for making a life that is yours and not someone else’s.
And thank you LORD for not being dependent on anything other than your soul.
Stop apologizing….
Not too long ago, I had a bad day. Not one where my boss was mean to me, or I couldn't stop dropping everything. It was one of those days that something reminded me of something I once did that I actually do regret. There aren’t many things in my life I regret, honestly. If it weren’t for all the falls, bruises and slaps in the face, I wouldn’t be as happy or as sure of myself as I am today. So, I started my journal entry with this paragraph on apologies, and I just let my emotions take over the pages.
Now let’s not get too carried away. I didn’t commit a crime or do anything worthy of juicy gossip. Most people would probably brush my regret right off their shoulder, but it is just something that grabs me. Something that makes me stop and look hard in the mirror when I think about it. After I wrote about it in my journal I had such a sense of accomplishment of getting all my anger and frustration out of my body and onto the paper so I could close this poison out of my thoughts.
But there was something truly important it did not accomplish. It didn’t make me change the way I thought about myself or help me take a step in a different direction. I closed out my thoughts for that day only to allow them to surface again on another day. So, here is my change in direction….
When do we ever take the time to thank ourselves? We all grew up in the South and are quick to thank someone for holding open the door, letting you into traffic, handing over a receipt or even making an impression on your life, but when do we stop and thank ourselves for doing something worthwhile?
So Searcy,
Thank you for knowing when to pack up and get out of a relationship that was draining who you really are.
Thank you for having the guts to move to a city full of people who are bigger than you and more successful than you and just jump in the middle!
Thank you for living on the seat of your pants and taking a job that brought you back to the water.
Thank you for making a life that is yours and not someone else’s.
And thank you LORD for not being dependent on anything other than your soul.
Stop apologizing….
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Turnip Greens
What is one of the greatest feelings in the world? (that is rated G please)
I could think of hundreds: massage, pedicure, jumping in the pool after you run, your first deer, being giddy over a new crush.....I could go on and on, but there is one thing I can't get enough of.....
Just letting yourself go.....
I'm talkin' barefoot, dancin' in the kitchen, singing into a wooden spoon louder than you have ever sung before and just letting those cares drift right out the window with the words of a damn good song.
Or maybe I mean shoving your feet into an old pair of boots, hanging them out the window of an old suburban that doesn't even need a key. Loving every sip of that cold beer and singing so loud that you actually sound good.
Gah.....I love that feeling!
What makes you careless? What makes your soul so free you get lost in a world that only you know?
All you have to say to me is Turnip Greens......I'll get lost for days.
I could think of hundreds: massage, pedicure, jumping in the pool after you run, your first deer, being giddy over a new crush.....I could go on and on, but there is one thing I can't get enough of.....
Just letting yourself go.....
I'm talkin' barefoot, dancin' in the kitchen, singing into a wooden spoon louder than you have ever sung before and just letting those cares drift right out the window with the words of a damn good song.
Or maybe I mean shoving your feet into an old pair of boots, hanging them out the window of an old suburban that doesn't even need a key. Loving every sip of that cold beer and singing so loud that you actually sound good.
Gah.....I love that feeling!
What makes you careless? What makes your soul so free you get lost in a world that only you know?
All you have to say to me is Turnip Greens......I'll get lost for days.
Laurel made me do it
So for a few months now I have extremely enjoyed reading my friend's blogs. I have moved away from two people who have taught me so much in such a small amount of time. I miss being near them to just watch and learn from them. Reading their blogs helps me to continue to grow and learn from them in a different way than I have ever experienced.
People tend to be fearlessly truthful when they write. Writing gives you the ability to become completely vulnerable to humility and judgment without even caring. I would never dare say half the things I write, because most of the time, I won't have to face the judgment. Writing gives readers the ability to take the words in front of them and make them their own. There is no tone of voice or facial expression to persuade your judgement. Writing allows you to give a part of yourself to someone else, so they can make a part of you their own.
I have been writing for years. I have umpteen journals starting from childhood and one very full quote book. In high school I used to have a wall in my bedroom covered with quotes on sticky notes. Mom LOVED that and the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. Writing has helped me get through the good and the bad and even helped me get through school!!!! I could BS my way through an essay, but give me multiple choice and I am doomed.
When I lived in Nashville I learned something about myself I never would have guessed. I started going on long walks with Laurel in the afternoons and would always tell her about my most recent day dream. We all day dream right? How else did we get through grade school? Well at least I thought it was normal. I have spent the past 25 years letting my mind go as freely as it wishes. Music is the root of this freedom. I enjoy shutting out all the limits this world places on us and believing for a few minutes I can be anywhere and do anything I damn well please. Hell, I thought we all did this, but we don't. We should....
Anyway, I hope you all find this blog enjoying. The thought of laying it all out there for anyone to see makes me very nervous. Most of my writing is done in the middle of the night or when something bad happens. I want that to change. Negative writing can free you only for a moment from whatever is holding on to you so tightly you don't know whether to scream or just cry. Writing about all the good things, the small things, the heart felt things that allow us all to be a bit "out there" is what teaches you. I don't plan to solve any of the worlds problems by any means, but I do plan on telling you how I feel about them. Maybe you will learn something, maybe you won't. All I know is that I will and I can't wait to find out what it will be.
This is going to be cheesy, but must be said. Laurel, Pallie....you girls have been the best teachers of pure encouragement. You fear no judgment, you backdown to nothing and you love every minute of it. Like everyone else in the world you have your troubles, but you would never know. Your ability to enjoy and stand up for the small things in life is what makes the largest impact. Not only do you encourage me to be better to myself and the earth, but you inspire me to not hide it. We all have a little tree hugger in us.....where is the shame in that? :)
People tend to be fearlessly truthful when they write. Writing gives you the ability to become completely vulnerable to humility and judgment without even caring. I would never dare say half the things I write, because most of the time, I won't have to face the judgment. Writing gives readers the ability to take the words in front of them and make them their own. There is no tone of voice or facial expression to persuade your judgement. Writing allows you to give a part of yourself to someone else, so they can make a part of you their own.
I have been writing for years. I have umpteen journals starting from childhood and one very full quote book. In high school I used to have a wall in my bedroom covered with quotes on sticky notes. Mom LOVED that and the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. Writing has helped me get through the good and the bad and even helped me get through school!!!! I could BS my way through an essay, but give me multiple choice and I am doomed.
When I lived in Nashville I learned something about myself I never would have guessed. I started going on long walks with Laurel in the afternoons and would always tell her about my most recent day dream. We all day dream right? How else did we get through grade school? Well at least I thought it was normal. I have spent the past 25 years letting my mind go as freely as it wishes. Music is the root of this freedom. I enjoy shutting out all the limits this world places on us and believing for a few minutes I can be anywhere and do anything I damn well please. Hell, I thought we all did this, but we don't. We should....
Anyway, I hope you all find this blog enjoying. The thought of laying it all out there for anyone to see makes me very nervous. Most of my writing is done in the middle of the night or when something bad happens. I want that to change. Negative writing can free you only for a moment from whatever is holding on to you so tightly you don't know whether to scream or just cry. Writing about all the good things, the small things, the heart felt things that allow us all to be a bit "out there" is what teaches you. I don't plan to solve any of the worlds problems by any means, but I do plan on telling you how I feel about them. Maybe you will learn something, maybe you won't. All I know is that I will and I can't wait to find out what it will be.
This is going to be cheesy, but must be said. Laurel, Pallie....you girls have been the best teachers of pure encouragement. You fear no judgment, you backdown to nothing and you love every minute of it. Like everyone else in the world you have your troubles, but you would never know. Your ability to enjoy and stand up for the small things in life is what makes the largest impact. Not only do you encourage me to be better to myself and the earth, but you inspire me to not hide it. We all have a little tree hugger in us.....where is the shame in that? :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)