Can You LENT Me a Hand?

I always forget about Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras until it is right up on me, like the day of. There is always cake and candy and colors everywhere, but what really gets me is the complete desire I get to have a drink! I don’t know what it is about Mardi Gras, but as soon as I realize what day it is, I want to start celebrating! I want to drink odd drinks out of oversized cups, wear colors that only match on that one particular day and eat flavored marshmallows, which may I add I will not even do on Easter with the peeps…..sick.

Forgetting Mardi Gras also brings with it the fact I have not thought about Lent. I was raised Episcopal and we always give something up for Lent. Now I know I have given up all the typical things like soft drinks, candy, fast food, etc. I remember one year mom really regretted ever teaching me the value of what you give up for Lent. She taught me it was to be something really hard to give up and every time you want to give in you need to pray about it. Well, one year I gave up meat and I think mom was doing more praying than I was. I was in high school so mom had to make all of our meals for 40 days (or however long it is) without meat. Actually, I think it was Dad who was the angry one. We never really talked about Lent after that.

Now that I am grown, I have noticed I may give something up for Lent but I end up picking it back up once Easter arrives. If I am going to make a change, I am going to make a change. I don’t want to change my lifestyle for the better for a temporary moment. If it’s a good change, why not let it stick? So, I started to give up things that would enhance my character. Last year I gave up complaining. I will say it was pretty hard and I didn’t do so hot. So, I decided to make that a life long goal and I am still working on that one. I am by no means claiming I am good at that goal, but it’s a goal.

So, this year I have decided to make another life change. It seems I am really in to life changes lately, so why not some more!!!? For Lent this year I am going to give up feeling sorry for myself, break down the limitations I have placed on myself and make the life I want and need a reality. Easier said than done, yes I know. But if I’m not going to do this, who will?

More

So this is why I haven't blogged in a while. Oh, and I got a job. :)

Here is a quick update on life. Within two weeks three beautiful babies were born, Cowdery Kent Merrill, IV, Elizabeth Jane Shaw and Avery Ann Williford. Everyone is healthy and happy and the mothers are stronger and more amazing than I think I have the capacity to become. I interviewed with Sutton & Associates here in Montgomery in the middle of all of these births and was hired within an hour!!! I am now the Program Manager for S&A, which is an incentive travel company with Alabama World Travel here in Montgomery. My life went from slow and boring to fast paced and each minute filled to the rim.

I have learned a lot about myself during these past three months and even just spending time with Avery. The places I have lived, the jobs I have done, the friends I have made, have all been more than fulfilling for me. I have loved each and every aspect of my life (and still do), even the ones that make me cry. I just can't seem to stop wanting more. I keep trying to tell myself to slow down and enjoy what is right here, but I get so excited about the next step or something completely new. It doesn't matter if it's wanting seconds at dinner, wanting to move to a new town, or anxiously awaiting Avery's toddler, adolescent and adult years. I just ache for more!!!

So, I am going to allow Avery and living in Montgomery to slow me down. My eyes are open to the things around me, they just need to focus a little more on these things.

Thank you for patiently awaiting a blog from me! I know it has been too long and I promise not to do that again.

Recession Reality

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

I love clicking on Kat’s blog every day, because there is always a new bible verse. Some I read in the rush of the day and realize later on that I did not hear them, but some are just what I need to hear even if I do not know it. When I first read this I breezed through it like another mindless step in my daily routine, but something caught me and I re-read it. I just felt like I could breathe once I heard what it was saying. This verse from Romans is exactly how I have been feeling over the past few months.

Ever since being laid off and having my eyes opened to the hardships of our Recession, I have battled the difference between my dreams and what others define as reality. I have mentioned in previous blog postings that I have a variety of dreams as well as ever changing dreams. Every day I am faced with the challenge of either holding on to them or letting go. I have seen what life is like when you let go, and I do not want that, any of it.

Reading this verse helped me understand that you can still dream in an economy today. As a matter of fact, I believe if we all keep a firm grasp on our dreams, we may see some good prevail.

I have been very fortunate to have a supportive family. I know there are many other people who may not have the support or abilities I do, but on the other hand there are plenty of people who have many more opportunities and abilities than I do to help them obtain their wants and needs. I just cannot focus on what other people have, because then I lose sight on what I have - on what I can do for myself.

I may not be able to become everything I want to be when I grow up, but I sure am going to head that way. Focusing on my satisfaction and fulfillment in every day life is really what I am going for. The funny thing is…I am not really sure what that is. I guess I will find out.

Learn something new every day.
(Thank you for drilling that in my head, Mom. You are definitely on to something here.)

Pregnant and Painting

How do you take a pregnant woman's mind off of ripping a baby out of her stomach when she is less than a week from her due date?

I have no idea, but please tell me if you know!!!

Tracy and I have decided she needs to get obsessed over something else besides being pregnant so maybe her water will break or the time will pass by a bit quicker.

Sooooo, we will paint. I have no idea what we will paint, but she has the canvases and I have the paints so we are going to start some projects and hopefully get her mind off of her tummy. Who knows, maybe it will spear head a career move for me. Or not, whatever.

I will let you all know how this works and maybe have some great paintings to post up here.

The Wait is Bugging Me!!

I do not do “waiting” or “not having something to do” very well. The aspect of being unproductive drives my nerves through the roof. So you can guess how I am reacting to being unemployed.

I have been waiting to hear if I have been chosen for a job I really want for three days now. They were supposed to let me know on Monday, but now that it is Wednesday, I find myself screaming with impatience. I have found anything I could possibly need to do and put it on a list just so I can mark it off and feel productive. Here is a sample of what my list looks like today:

1. Unload dishwasher
2. Bug man comes to spray the house
3. Get gas
4. Go to the bank
5. Write mom a check
6. Go to Dillards
7. Stop by Tracy’s house
8. Go to the gym (which has now been changed to “get a pedicure”)
9. Watch Ellen at 1:30
10. Tracy doctor at 3

Just be thankful I have not gotten to the point of adding “wake up”, “brush teeth”, “shower”, or “eat” to this list. There is still plenty of time though. It could happen.

I have even started to turn small needs into very important needs, just so I can add them to my list. For example, I have a bug guard on the front of my car. A piece of it has been broken for quite a while now, but it still works and is no harm to my car. I swear this has been broken for at least a year and I never even began to think about fixing it, until this morning. All of a sudden fixing this bug guard has taken up my entire day.

I am obviously running out of things to do!!!

Baby? Please...

You can ask anyone, I have wanted children my entire life. That is my natural responsibility as a female right? I have all the right gushy feelings when I am around my friend’s children. My six baby cousins touch every inch of my heart that I am sad when I am away from them. I have all the right maternal instincts, and I honestly cannot wait to be a good mother and teach my children about the world we live in. But you can forget about that child coming out of me!

This may very well be my first wrong as a mother, (and my I remind you I am far off from actually becoming a mother), but I do not plan on being pregnant in my lifetime. I have watched and listened to multiple friends during their pregnancies and seen their struggles. These are strong and brave women all in their own individual ways, and my hats are off to them.

There have been mothers I have talked to who have been upset with the timing of their pregnancies, and the one thing that kept coming out of my mouth was they should be happy they can have a baby. There are so many women in the world who wait and plan for the perfect time to have a child only to find out they physically cannot. I can only imagine the sadness and feeling of defeat these women have. Sometimes I wonder who is stronger, the woman who is pregnant or the one who cannot be pregnant. Maybe there isn’t a level of strength when it comes to motherhood, strength is just simply there.

I have no idea if I am able to get pregnant or not, and I may never find out. One thing I do know is there is way too many children out there right now who need to be loved, so many babies being abandoned during their first instant of life. I know I will love and cherish each and every second of my children’s lives. There are many, many personal issues with pregnancy that hit harder in different places with each woman. Mine has told me to go a different route than what is considered “traditional”.

I condone each woman for the decisions they make regarding pregnancy and children. It is a personal choice and it is your choice.

Let me just say one more thing for today.

Do not judge anyone who has lost their job recently due to recession. Actually, we are not to judge at all, but I do know how hard it can be to completely rid yourself of the act of judging, but let’s all try shall we?

We are all different people living in the same world. Some may easily be able to find a job they love; some may be able to live happily taking a job they hate, but not everyone. Each and every situation is different, so if your comments are going to be judgmental, negative or diminishing in any form or fashion, keep them to yourselves. Right now is a time of encouragement, support and new beginnings. Although these things seem righteous, they are not always easy.

Next time you talk to someone who has been laid off, just remember as you are asking them how the job search is going that you do not know their whole story and you do not know their heart. You may be able to understand the panic and the sadness, but your solutions are not mine. Your answers and pathways are different then the ones He has for me.

If you cannot understand what it is someone needs, then just listen and be understanding even if you really cannot understand.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.